Growth does not always arrive gently.

Sometimes it comes disguised as doubt.

In this journey of constant growth and alchemy, there are dark moments that come along. We may even expect them, but our expectations are rarely enough to prepare us.

Oddly enough, it’s not often the external reality that leads us here.

It’s the internal world.

The world that is so vast it becomes hard, almost impossible, to have a full grasp of every corner and crevice of our being at any given moment.

The parts of us that stay hidden are often the ones that catch us most off guard.

It’s easy to imagine ourselves making great progress, only for a single moment to arrive that makes us question everything we’ve experienced up until that point. This doesn’t need to be imagined. I’m sure you’ve felt it too.

That moment came to me recently when someone close to me asked if I truly believe I’m over my most recent breakup.

Up until then, I believed I had gathered my lessons, implemented them, and grown into a new version of myself. I’ve become emotionally independent. Content with who I am. Learning to love myself in ways I never have before.

Then a small voice whispered:

Am I compartmentalizing?

Or worse, am I throwing this entire heartbreak into the ocean as if it never happened?

Although I appear to be thriving, I’ve realized I am shutting out emotional intimacy with everyone except my therapist, and even that has its limits.

Who am I to speak on alchemy when I can’t even face my own pain?

These are the kinds of questions that are never worth asking.

The truth is, living this life feels like a constant rebirthing of the self. Moving through the birth canal is never a smooth or linear process. It is a not-so-gentle descent and ascent until, somehow, that confusing pattern leads us to the other side of a new dimension.

So much in this life mirrors itself. There is wisdom in recognizing ourselves within these moments and patterns.

Accept yourself in the deepest pits of doubt and hopelessness. We are still worthy, regardless of how we may feel in any given moment. That worth becomes our safety net as we navigate this beautiful darkness that also belongs to us.

You deserve to be loved by you.

Your sister,

Cy